My wife is a birder. The early signs were subtle. She placed feeders and nesting boxes in our backyard. Her growing interest became more evident when the heated bird bath appeared on our deck. Now, as she has become a fully fledged birder, our kitchen counter is piled with binoculars and birding magazines. Audubon and the Cornell Lab are at the top of our charitable contributions list. Our Audubon wall clock, which cheerfully announces each hour with a bird song, tells us how much time we've spent on our bird-themed jigsaw puzzle. Our road trips nowadays are organized around birding hotspots such as Sabine Woods, Balcones Canyonlands and South Padre Island.

I'm not a birder. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy a colorful hummingbird or majestic raptor soaring above. It's not that I dislike birds. I just don't have the innate curiosity and interest that I witness in my wife and others, particularly when they gather in groups. There's a qualitative difference between those of us on the lower end of the scale, who know our cardinals and bald eagles, and those on the higher end, who find great importance in the field markings of sparrows.

True birders venture out to seek new birding experiences. From my observations, they possess a combination of keen hearing and sharp eyesight, a penchant for the scientific process of identifying and classifying species, and a genuine curiosity and love for birds. They find the process deeply satisfying. They can continue the search for hours or even days! On a 1-10 scale of bird interest, I'm a 3, whereas my wife rates an 8.

Believe me, I have made an honest attempt to become a birder, to move up the scale of interest. I have accompanied my wife on birding trips. Indeed, when decked out with my vest and hat and my wife's hand-me-down binoculars, I can look like the real deal. I have, on occasion, proudly pointed out a nuthatch and an ouzel. But looking like a true birder carries the risk of being revealed as an impostor. Once, a nearby birder posed a straightforward question: “Do you think that oriole is a Scott's, a Bullock's or a hooded?” I smiled meekly, muttered something about migratory pathways and deferred the question to others. To be candid about my amateur status, sometimes I casually quip that I'm an “SOB,” quickly adding that it means “spouse of a birder.”

As the partner of a birder, I have pondered my role. I want to be a part of the activity that brings my wife such joy. If I were to pursue my separate interests and avoid birding, I fear we would miss an opportunity for quality time together. So how do I survive, or even thrive, in the world of a birder? Through trial and error, I have found several helpful ideas.

Before you Go

The first strategies are part of the planning process. Before setting foot on the trail or focusing the binoculars, consider these ideas.

Combine your interests: When on an extended outing to visit a birding destination, balance the time dedicated for birding with activities that appeal to the non-birder. Visit a historical site, relax on a beach, explore a museum or tour on bicycles.

Agree on time limits: Discuss in advance the amount of time you will commit to a bird outing. As an SOB, I am less antsy when I know the approximate ending time.

Plan a post-birding treat: Agree to an appealing activity at the end of the outing. Yes, it is placing the cheese at the end of the maze, but I step more lightly all morning when I know our lunch will be at my favorite Mexican restaurant.

Supporting Your Spouse

Next are strategies designed to give the non-birder a useful supporting role. While the birder focuses on birds, the partner performs a related task that enhances the experience.

Take notes: Transcribe while the birder, binoculars in hand, describes the subject in the viewfinder. My wife and I have become an efficient team. As she describes, I digitally enter the information on my phone app. Later, she uses my notes for species identification and record-keeping.

Be a photographer: Take pictures using a camera that is capable of capturing detail. The digital images can help with species identification.

Counteract Birding Fatigue

The following suggestions can be used in the field to counteract fatigue or boredom. They employ mental and physical tactics.

Check your attitude: At the start of the venture, remind yourself that birding is the main item on the agenda and your role is to be a supportive partner. A positive attitude and self-talk will lighten the mood for both of you.

Breathe, stretch and be mindful: During extended viewing episodes on the trail, stay relaxed and limber. Close your eyes and take slow, deep breaths. Gently remind yourself to be patient. Step aside and stretch your back. Sit and focus on your surroundings. Take your time.

Engage in parallel play: During the outing, integrate activities of personal interest. Watch for other forms of wildlife. Bring a sketchpad or camera or engage in some other compatible hobby of your own.

Enter Their World

The final strategies involve a willingness to enter the world of birders, or at least open the door and peer in. These suggestions require empathy — a temporary but earnest effort to see and experience the world through the eyes and ears of a birder.

Learn some basics: Listen to the vocabulary used by birders. Ask questions. Admire the creative mnemonics used to remember distinctive bird calls (tea-kettle, tea-kettle, tea-kettle).

Share in your partner's delight: Although spotting a new species may not excite you, observe and appreciate the genuine pleasure in your spouse and others. Realize you are supporting your partner in doing something they truly enjoy. We all benefit from joy in our lives.

My wife and I are planning our next trip. We will be visiting some birding hotspots along with bicycling, relaxing and exploring historical sites. We're both excited about the combination of activities, including the dedicated birding time. And when my wife grabs my arm and says, “Stop! Wait, what is the bird in that tree?” you can be assured that I, as a committed SOB, will close my eyes and draw a slow, deep breath…

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